A reflection on why it’s easier to help others than ourselves and what it means for how we show up inwardly.
You give great advice. Offer comfort. Support your loved ones like a pro. But when it’s time to help yourself?
You freeze. Go blank. Or feel overwhelmed.
Why does this happen and what does it reveal about how we show up for ourselves?
The Truth Behind the Double Standard
It’s a strange truth we don’t often admit: we’re better at guiding others than supporting ourselves.
This realization hit me one day when I caught myself saying, “If I were talking to a friend, I’d know exactly what to say. But for myself? I’m stuck.”
That moment became the seed for this reflection and later, a short video I created for the Food for Thought series.
Why We Think More Clearly for Others
Psychologists Grossmann and Kross introduced this as Solomon’s Paradox. The idea that we reason more wisely about others’ dilemmas than our own.
When someone else is struggling, we:
- Zoom out
- Access compassion
- Spot patterns
But when it’s our problem, emotion clouds logic. We spiral. We second-guess.
It’s not a flaw. It’s a feature of how human minds work.
Why We Struggle to Be Our Own Guide
We wear roles like armor like parent, partner, friend, problem-solver.
Helping others reinforces those roles. It makes us feel useful, needed, even worthy.
But turning inward? That’s where it gets uncomfortable.
Listening to your own needs can:
- Trigger buried fears
- Confront long-held beliefs
- Require change you’re not ready for
So we outsource compassion.
We silence the part of us that knows better. We say, “I don’t know,” when deep down, we do.
What If You Treated Yourself Like a Friend?
Here’s a simple shift that’s helped me:
When I’m stuck, I ask:
“If my friend came to me with this, what would I say?”
Then I write it down and read it back as if it were advice written for me.
It’s not a magical fix. But it creates space. And sometimes, space is all you need.
Let’s Reflect Together
This reflection is just the beginning. Food for Thought is a growing series of gentle nudges and mindful pauses, small reminders to come back to yourself in the middle of a busy life.
🧠 Watch the video version of this post
🎥 👉 Click here to watch on YouTube
What about You?
Have you ever found it easier to help others than yourself?
What’s one way you’ve learned to extend that same grace inward?
Share in the comments below or just sit with the thought.
Sometimes, reflection is the first act of self-care.
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